Mt. Rainier and Lenticular Clouds - Dec. 2008 copyright: JMM

September 19, 2007

Headin' South and The "Hotel Sordid"

Julie and I left our respective homes at about 8:00 a.m. on Friday, Sept. 14. I figured I'd get to Portland before her because my trip was a straight shot down I-5, but she had to go over Mt. Hood and through some podunk towns w/ stoplights. My trip was uneventful, and for the first time I was even driving under the speed limit so that I didn't end up in Portland way before Julie. Lucky for me I was going slow because I saw a lot of State Patrol radar traps along the highway and the last thing I need is to get a ticket in a county far away from my own because that would be next to impossible to fight. Hit a bit of rain when I got to Vancouver but it was only a squall (remember, we have a Vancouver, Washington in addition to Vancouver, BC and Vancouver Island).
Portland is a ginormous city, spanning two huge rivers, the Columbia and the Willamette and sprawling across two counties. It reminds me a lot of Berkeley, CA - a bit gritty, but funky and an extremely liberal college town.
I got to the Portland Inn City Center at about 10:45. As I drove into the parking lot and looked up at this run down building, I said, "you have got to be fucking kidding me". It looks the kind of place that would rent rooms by the hour, you know? But hey, as I said, it is a college town and I wanted to remain open minded, since I'm sure a lot of parents stay there. I checked in and the lobby was quite nice. Our room was ready, #439, so I went up and dumped my crap. Here is a pic of our room. I called Julie to let her know I'd wait for her in the lobby, called Brian to tell him I'd arrived safely, and then headed downstairs to read. Julie showed up at about 11:30 or so and I helped bring her stuff upstairs.
Our room was a bit beat up, and fairly clean, except for......

I saw it when I first got into our room, had tentatively touched the toe of my shoe to it and I could tell it was sticky. Once Julie arrived, she decided to plant her entire foot on it and when she pulled her foot off, there was the most sickening, "thuk" sound as her shoe came unglued from the carpet. After yelling "EW EW EW EW" at the top of my lungs, I nearly blew chunks right then and there. We, of course, howled with laughter and tried to figure out if we should steal construction cones to put over the stain. We spent the rest of the afternoon jumping over it. Then I took this lovely picture of Julie getting up close and personal with our pet stain. Notice how she wouldn't even kneel on the carpet and is protecting her knees with tissue paper? More hilarity ensued.
Our room faced an office building and I was feeling a bit zany so I lifted up my shirt and bra and flashed it. Don't know if anyone saw, but we got a huge charge out of it.

Next, we headed out to walk around downtown.
The downtown area is a very nice mix of the old.....
...and new. I really liked it a lot and I look forward to going back.
Here's Julie trying to get her hand inside Hunky Open-Shirted Model Man's pants.
Ate lunch here.
Bought beads here.
Got back to the room and looked at her GORGEOUS trip pics from Europe (hint hint, she should blog them), chatted and I called Brian. All the while, there is the annoying din of construction going on outside, below our window. I know at one point I couldn't take it anymore, stood up and yelled out the window, "SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUT UP!" But they couldn't hear me of course. Then at 7:30 they started using a friggin jackhammer. It's like people! Go home to your wives and families for gods sake! By 8:00 pm I'd had about enough so I went down to the desk and inquired, somewhat tersely, if the construction went on all night or what and was told that they work till "after dark". Fortunately, the front desk guy asked if we wanted to change rooms and I said yes. He gave me a key for Room #243 and I went up and got Julie and we checked out the room and it was in a quiet nook of the building. As we exited good ol' Room #439, dragging all our crap down the hall, I sang out, "Bye Stain..." and we settled in to the new room.

Necessity being the mother of invention, this is how we kept our window open.
The hotel was allegedly "non-smoking", but the 2nd floor hallway reaked of smoke. Our room was clearly the "sneak-a-smoke" room as we were treated to this festive view of the ledge below our window. Although the hanger was our of them fell out of the window.

After we crashed, I slept for about 2 hours, and woke up at 1:00 a.m. with horrible nausea. I went into the bathroom where I promptly semi-passed out on the cold tile floor. I don't know how long I lay there but I finally went back to bed at some point and spent the night tossing and turning. Next morning, I was stunned to find out that Julie was sick too, but was toughing it out in bed and also tossing and turning, and wondering why I was in the bathroom so long. Since we both had the exact same thing for lunch, cheeseburger and fries, that has to be what made us sick. Note to self: Don't eat at the Red Coach Restaurant again.

Next up: Mt. Hood and the Timberline Lodge.


  1. Oh no, you both got sick! See, this is why I'm a vegetarian, who knows what was in that meat.

    Your hotel room, what was that stain? I stayed at a hotel in Denver, when I walked into the 'lobby'? The first thing I saw was a pair of men's underware on the floor...Oh, it was such a classy place!

    Can't wait for more pics..

  2. Anonymous10:44 PM


    No idea what the stain was...Julie kept trying to get me to sniff it. It was in the shape of a shoe print.

  3. Anonymous10:57 PM


    I shoulda done the Goren thing and sniffed the stain. Then I could tell you all what it was.

    Great Job JoJo. Thank you for making me laugh so hard at this.

  4. Oh, shit, that was funny! I simply HAVE to hang out with you guys sometime!!!

    Pity about you getting sick. see, you should've stuck to "man-meat" only...yummmm....

    As for the stain...I'm thinking maybe someone stepped on someone's dick there. LOL!!!

  5. Anonymous10:12 AM

    JoJo-That hotel? that you stayed at has to be the worst hovel that I have seen. I saw only one on our trip to the N.E. states that could match it and it made me want to upchuck. I did like the picture of Julie licking the stain, it's a shame that she didn't have her rubbers to put on her hand and sniff as well per BG. It would have made it even funnier LOL. I am so glad that you had such a great time together Jean

  6. Anonymous10:17 AM


    Axe, I'd love to meet you. Imagine the fun we'd all have.

  7. wow that is one hot poster of a guy there! and one nasty view out of the sneak a smoke room! that was a great post girls, glad you had a fun safe trip!

  8. You two are a riot. Honestly, if I was around you too long my ribs would ache from laughing.

  9. Oh we had such a blast and SO many laughs...I should have titled this post "The Terror Twins Take Portland". lol

  10. Anonymous3:23 PM

    20 years ago, I'd've toughed it out with you in your shack of a hotel. Now I'd probably move out! Having said that,the Newton Hotel in New York was kind of 'interesting' (but at least it was clean!)

  11. I think I'd probably die laughing if I spent any time in the company of you two!!! Julie is definitely braver than me...I'd have had to put something on the floor to cover that stain,no way would I have got as close to it as she did.Looking forward to hearing more,hopefully with you both in good health :-)

  12. Anonymous7:42 PM

    Oooooh yuuuck!!!
    I would have demanded the front desk come up and see the mystery stain, before they refunded my $$ and booked me into somewher enewer and cleaner. Perhaps the last occupant also ate at the same place for lunch.