Mt. Rainier and Lenticular Clouds - Dec. 2008 copyright: JMM

August 15, 2007

Stupid Piece of Crap

We can put a man on the moon, but we can't make a shower caddy that actually WORKS.

Over the years, we've had a lot of different shower caddies that, for one reason or another, either rusted away & fell apart or wouldn't stick after awhile. It's frustrating. We have a lot of shower crap, or as Kyan from "Queer Eye" would say, "product", and balancing bottles and razors on the edge of the tub just isn't an option.

The last shower caddy we had absolutely refused to stay stuck on the tiles, no matter how much I cleaned and dried the tiles and cleaned the suction cups. The weight of it kept pulling it down from against the wall to against the shower head. There's nothing quite like rinsing the shampoo out of your hair and suddenly have bottles and razors come cascading down over your head and clattering into the tub. I tried everything to keep that bastard at the top of the shower pipe. Wire. Leather cord. Nothing worked.

I gave up and went to Fred Meyer, in search of a "new and improved" shower caddy. I swear I spent more time comparing and contrasting shower caddies that day than I did when I bought my car a couple of years ago. I finally settled on a metal caddy with a big ass suction cup and a rubber grippy thing that looked like it was supposed to grip the top of the shower pipe.

I got it home and put it in the shower. Eh, it looks OK. Kind of small. But at least it's sticking. That lasted all of about 2 weeks, tops. The friggin suction cup is SO large that it overlaps the grout channels, so any kind of long term suction just ain't gonna happen. Then the rubber grippy thing gave way and again, crap was raining down on my head in the shower.

To quote the famous line from "Network": I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Then it hit me: WWRGD. That stands for "What Would Red Green Do?" Red Green was a really funny Canadian comedy that ran for years, episodes have been shown in the States on PBS. Among his famous catch phrases are, "If the women don't find ya handsome, they should at least find ya handy" and "That's right, we'll use the Handyman's Secret Weapon: Duct Tape".

So I got out my trusty roll of duct tape. And I defy this fucker to come loose again.


  1. Very attractive.

    Just for the record, if any of you ladies are having the same problem, I am more than willing to hold any of your shampoo bottles and what not while you attend to your sweater puppies in the shower.

    I like to help...

  2. Oh Mark, you're such a GUY! :)
    Jojo, you know that the duct tape will leave sticky residue all over your tile when the inevitable happens and you must remove it due to severe yuckiness. Other than that, I have no brilliant ideas...

  3. Claire - That's why I have plenty of Goo Gone, for the tape residue.

    And Mark - Sweater puppies?! Ew.

  4. Personally I love duct tape, it's saved my life on more than one occasion! As for the shower caddy...Forget it. I just keep everything in a little bucket on the shower floor. So I have to bend over..

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. *My spelling was off*

    LOL! Da Vinci has NOTHING on you, babe!

    Mark, if you should see ME naked, you'd need therapy for the rest of your life....

  7. ...and it's so attractive, too

  8. I have tried EVERYTHING! I bought one to go in the corner of the shower, with two strong suction cups on each side. Sadly, the corner isn't quite sqaure, so not all the cups make contact and it falls down. At the moment I have an extending pole with three little shelves attached. The top of the pole is agaist the ceiling, and the bottom on the shower base, all tucked nicely into the corner. But gravity being what it is, the pole shrinks a millimeter or two, and the pole creeps away from the corner, the shelves are no longerr flush with the walls, and the slightest bump sends things flying off the now wobbly shelves!

    Oh, and don't forget the black mould that forms behind the foot of the pole...

  9. Anonymous12:00 PM

    Jo-that is so funny!!!! I had the same problem but put a wide rubber band around the pipe and the caddy doesn't slip anymore. Yours is a bit bigger than mine but I love the duct tape!!!!!

  10. Claire: Why, yes, I am...


    JoJo: Ew? Puppies are cute and cuddly, right?

    Axe: Don't sell yourself short. Of course, I'd be happy to invalidate your feelings if you'll just forward some pics...

  11. Don't do it Axe, Mark's a dirty old man. ;) lol

  12. that is freakin' hilarious jojo!

    ok, here's what we are doing at the moment, i found one that hangs, and i bought this big hook that sticks to the wall, it is supposed to hold 7 lbs of stuff. and so far it's been hanging there for 2 months. it has 3 bottles of shampoo, 2 wash clothes, a srunchy thingy, 2 bars of soap, 1 thing of shower gel, and spider man goggles. and it's still not budged. good luck! and dontcha luv goo gone!?

  13. Anonymous3:08 PM

    Now where were you when I had the bathroom refurbed?!
    I had the shower caddy nailed to the damn wall, but you have to evenly distribute the weight of the items in it, or it swings to one side or the other.....funny, my mind just went somewhere quite 'special'

  14. mark... I may take you up on it, but I really don't think you would want to... LOL Whatever Axe looks like (and I know she's hot) I'm a trillion times worse than her and I'm old enough to be her mommy!

    jojo: this is hilarious, and I have the same problem, however there are two further options... seriously

    you buy proper fitments that get screwed into the tiles... we do it with towel rails, loo roll holders, mirrors, cabinets, etc


    you buy one that hangs on a hook over the shower cubicle

    I have found all plastic to be the best as chrome ones tend to rust... I am an expert; I have been attacked too many times by flying shampoo and shower gel

    also, the best thing is to retile and like hotels do (my ex did this with our, now his, apartment in Florida) you have tiles embedded as shelves in the corner of the cubicle... very nice!

    funny how this little thing is such a universal problem

  15. jojo, couldn't you get something made outta re-bar...and then bead it to make it pretty??

  16. of course, i concur with tess...i'm from the live-in-the-dorm-with-shared-bathrooms...just keep everything is a bucket.

  17. Wow,I have NEVER had this caddy problem!My problem?Shoes that I actually like (usually guy's shoes) that will fit OR have enough support.I get so pissed I usually say fuck it wear the same pair for many months more.Oh,and restoring my Birks?60 #$&*^$@ dollars!

  18. All I can say (as the "Canadian") is...


    Haha. Seeing this post made my day.

  19. Anonymous5:23 PM

    God bless Red Green and our sad addiction to duct tape!! Although to be precise, Gorilla tape works better. Holds longer and doesn't dry out.

    Kathleen bought me a bumper sticker that says"Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver".
    Just what every teacher of small children needs!

  20. Anonymous11:04 AM


    that is brilliant. god, you are so funny. great picture of the new and improved caddy. duct tape is the answer to everything.

    Mark, you are funny. never heard of sweater puppies. love it. soap em up and get em all slippery.

  21. I had no idea that this was such a problem for everyone! Thanks for all of your suggestions. Unfortunately Brian put the kibosh on beaded rebar.

  22. "Mark's a dirty old man."

    I;m not old.

  23. Oh wow, too funny! I know exactly what you mean :)