Mt. Rainier and Lenticular Clouds - Dec. 2008 copyright: JMM

June 16, 2013

Haters Gonna Hate

It seems that I have my very own cyberstalker.  The odd thing is, it's not someone I was expecting, but it is someone I knew in the past.  Someone with whom I was friendly in junior high, who changed schools or moved and reconnected on Facebook. Even back then she could run hot and cold, one day being friendly and the next being snotty.  After the initial FB 'Hi How Are Yous', we really didn't talk much anymore.  She never commented on anything I did or posted and didn't appear to be on FB much at all, till last summer when she was campaigning for a candidate in our state.  Her tactics were abusive and invasive, even calling some of our classmates at home at dinner to try and solicit money.  She was very belligerent in some of her comments when our more conservative classmates disagreed with her. A few people privately told me that they had half a mind to complain to the candidate's campaign manager about her over the top rantings and bullying people to get donations.  At some point last summer I unfriended her because I was cleaning house of people I didn't talk to at all.  It was nothing personal, and she certainly wasn't the only former classmate or coworker that got cut.

Earlier this year she was angrily commenting on someone else's thread...I happened to put my two cents in on that same thread.  She sent me a message demanding to know why we weren't FB friends anymore.  She was clearly very angry.  I told her it was nothing personal....I had removed people that didn't use their profiles much and/or didn't interact with me.  I got back a super vitriolic message screaming at me and sarcastically saying that she was sorry she didn't live up to my expectations as a FB friend.  She unloaded to me about all of her health problems and abuse issues from when she was a kid.  I was already in a bad mood at the time, it was January which had started out really crappy for me, so I tersely messaged back that, for one thing, I'd unfriended her last summer and it took 6 months for her to even notice, I was sorry she was sick and that I had also grown weary of her incessant postings about the candidate which bordered on abusive.  Well that did it.  She went off on me big time.  Big time.  It was so bad that I had to block her because I just didn't feel like keeping up the messages and I had other things to worry about.

Next thing I know, I got a FB message from someone I didn't know.  But I had a hunch it was her.  She went off about how ugly I am, how much I've let myself go, how blind Russell must be to be with me.  Five minutes of quick internet research revealed that the person's name on the message was her dead mother's name.  Plus she used a pic of her candidate as the picture for that profile!!  My god did she think I fell off the turnip truck and didn't know it was her?  I messaged back that I was sorry she felt that way, sorry that she was jealous of my happiness.  I told her all that anger and hate was bad for her health, that I was beautiful inside and Russell loved me the way I was.  I then reported her to FB and blocked that name as well.

A few days after that, one of my old friends sent me a message, asking me who she was.  I messaged back, 'why? did she go off about what a horrible person I am in a status?'  She said yes, and that she wasn't about to take it without sticking up for me.  I didn't ask her to do it, and I told her to let it go....that my friends would never believe anything that person said anyway, and my detractors would (And yes, I do have detractors out there).  Whatever, right?  So my friend said there was no way she was letting it slide and she apparently told off my stalker.  My friend found herself also unfriended by that person, right after that.  

I pretty much thought it was over till a couple of months ago, I got an email from Pinterest saying that she was now following one of my pinboards called 'I love my man' which has lovey-dovey quotes on it.  I immediately blocked her on Pinterest.

The other day I checked my Google+ account for the first time in ages.  During Blogging A-Z, some of the blogs I visited had a comment feature that posted to Google+.  I didn't realize comments would end up on MY account; I thought they went on the blogger's profile.  I was stunned to see a vitriolic, hate filled comment from her at the end of May, telling me what a pathetic, fat, ugly loser I am and what a loser Russell is.  How immature I am for posting stuff on Pinterest that say 'I love my boyfriend'.  I only skimmed it...I was just so shocked that she was continuing to harass me all these months later.  I started to leave a 'fuck off and die' comment but I didn't want it to escalate, so I deleted everything I could off my Google+ account.  I've also disabled the ability to email me on my blog.  I have stopped short of taking this blog private like I had to do 2 years ago, but if she starts to harass me here I will have to turn on comment moderation (but never CAPTCHA because that won't stop her).

I don't know why she is so obsessed with me and trying to tear me down.  Clearly I'm living rent free in her head.  She's got it in for me and is trying to engage me in a free for all message/comment war, but I'm not going to bite.  As the quote says, "Someone who hates you normally hates you for three reasons:  Either they see you as a threat, they hate themselves or they want to be you."  Well, I'm not a threat.  Based upon her angry comments on other people's FB threads, an angry tirade against her sister that I saw a year or so ago, and some stuff she said in messages to me, she's angry at the world and hates herself.  Does she want to be me?  I have no idea.

To be honest, I pity her. I've been in that angry place and it's no fun (although I never tried to tear someone else down in the process).  Friends who know about the situation think she's a complete whack job but I told them to feel sorry for her.  She's obviously in a lot of pain and miserable.  She's railing at the world and I've become an easy target for her to bully because she's jealous that I've found happiness and true love with a man who is crazy about me & loves my body the way it is.  Women/girls can be so mean and they like to go for the jugular when insulting other women by using the ultimate self esteem destroying 'you're fat and ugly' comment.  Personally I don't care and I've never cared what people think about me.  Love me as I am or walk away.  I'm so done with diets and my man makes me feel beautiful & sexy, and that's all that matters to me.  I haven't seen a picture of this person, but I can only imagine that her nearly 50 year old self probably isn't the youthful person she was at one time either.  She's jealous that I have friends who love me and stick up for me, and that I've lived a very interesting life full of awesome experiences.

I'm not sure what to do at this point.  If I run into her somewhere & she gets in my face, or she purposely shows up at a craft show or a wake/funeral just to fuck with me, I will have no choice but to take out a Restraining Order on her.  I am hoping that my ignoring her vitriol will make her go away.  I've done this blog post in the off chance that she'll see it and realize that I'm not going to engage her in a war of words.  Maybe people will think I'm being weak by walking away instead of standing up for myself but I just don't have the time or energy for this at all. I hate conflict and I'm not going to play her game.  I have my own life to live.  I know the psychology behind her attacks and I truly feel sorry for her because she's in a lot of pain, mentally, physically and emotionally.  I only hope that she can find peace.....or at least someone else to direct her anger at.

Bottom line is that haters are gonna hate, and there's nothing I can do about it at all.


  1. Oh JoJo, what a nightmare for you. I do worry about the FB, blogging, etc thing. We are opening ourselves to a whole heap of trouble. I love your quotes (as you know I love quotes!) keep them in your heart and soul, it will help you to remain positive. And I for one don't think you're weak, fighting, physically or emotionally, will only make you ill and eat away at you too. Blessings and love xx
    Suzanne @ Suzannes Tribe

  2. Thanks Suzanne. :)

  3. You said it, JoJo. I sympathize, as I've had harassment from an ex from the past, and if nothing else, it made me a bundle of nerves (threats, mean messages). I had a photo up for a short time on one blog but had to remove it and the blog. I have approved messages because of that. I blocked him and reported him to Google/Blogger. They don't do much.

    What I did - I never responded after I got a restraining order (they don't have much teeth in those), never answered letters sent to my work location, etc. I wanted to disappear from being found (I wouldn't give info to city directories, etc)Paranoia? No kidding. This person had also damaged some of our property when he knew where we lived.

    This is one reason I don't use FB or Google+ or Twitter - I'd be afraid of harassment. Hence, my avatar as well. I understand where you're coming from. You must have a gentle heart, JoJo. Mine is much harder towards my ex. The past is so over but some can't accept that.

  4. God that's disconcerting - had a stalker type like that once. She had what sounded like a decent story, didn't pan out and then she kept calling the paper under false names and getting me sent out on jobs which she would turn up on. Total wackjob, was a tad scary at the time. But haven't heard of her since the 'hate' postcard from Scotland..

  5. Oh JoJo... I am so sorry to read this. I can't imagine being harassed so. I too pity people like this. And it is far braver NOT to sink to her level.

    But please be careful - and involve the authorities if / when necessary. Hopefully when she realizes she can't upset you, she will leave you alone.

  6. I hope if you have to go private you will send me an email or let me know. I would hate to lose our new friendship. :) I am so sorry you are going through this with her. Hopefully it all goes away soon, and once she has no available target she will move on. How sad.

  7. I'm really sorry you have to deal with all the crazy-sauce. You're wonderful and we heart you. That chick is bananas.
    Some Dark Romantic

  8. JoJo, so sorry you are experiencing this. For the record, that picture of you and Russell is beautiful--the mutual love and happiness shines through. If you choose to go private, please let me know.

  9. Anonymous2:46 PM

    Oops, sorry, that was me with dyslexic fingers ;0) What I was trying to say was some people have too much time on their hands and no brain in their heads. Hang tough love, you've done absolutely nothing 'wrong'

  10. Great quotes JoJo and so true. It is sad that so much energy is wasted in this world on hate. Too bad that so many cannot just "Live and Let Live".

    Yes she is to be pitied for she is definitely a lost and wretched soul.
    Continue to avoid her, count your many blessings and bask in the warm knowledge that you have a wonderful man who loves you dearly and that there are many others in your life that love and care about you as well.
    I doubt that this woman is that lucky and I'm sure it must drive her crazy.

  11. That is awful. What is wrong with people? I hope she doesn't begin to harass you here. No one deserves to be harassed by a nut job like that.


  12. Good for you for taking the high road. You make me proud.

  13. Seems to me the nicest people have the worst problems with people like these. No point in messing with a bitch like me!

  14. there really are some crazy people out there. sorry you're having to go through this

  15. Gosh, I'm sorry she's being such a problem, but hopefully she'll stop if you continue ignoring her. She does sound a little crazy. How can she get any satisfaction if there is no response?