Mt. Rainier and Lenticular Clouds - Dec. 2008 copyright: JMM

January 7, 2012

One Year Ago Today

Warning: If you are easily icked out by lovey-dovey stuff, read no further.


And now for the sappy....erm....cutesy....erm....romantic, yeah that's it, romantic, portion of our program.....


January 7, 2011 was a normal day back in Washington State.  I got up early, went to work, suffered through my day, road-raged my way home and logged onto Facebook.  And there is was: A friend request from an old Sandwich High acquaintance.  For reasons I can't explain, my heart skipped a beat... I could not believe this man remembered me.  ME!!!  The annoying, immature, silly little 9th grader he harassed nearly nonstop the entire year.  We weren't close in school, he was older than me, we'd had one class together when I was 14 and he was pretty harsh with me in said class.  I was immediately attracted to this man, despite the decades that had gone by, despite knowing nothing about him...despite being married.  I was scared shitless.  Russell changed my life forever that winter day one year ago.  After a week of flirting on Facebook, he confessed his feelings to me.  I was already on the cusp, but I let myself fall utterly and completely in love with him.   He made it easy to close the first chapter of my life and start over again.

I keep waiting for that whole "initial relationship rush" to subside, now that it's been a year and we are happily living together, but it hasn't gone away, much to our delight. I never liked my first name, but when he says it, I melt. I can't tear my eyes off him, I can't keep my hands off him, I can't stop thinking about him and I have never been this happy in my entire life.  Friends and family have noticed the huge change in me, saying that they have never seen me so happy before and how great I look.  You should see the high wattage grin on my driver's license photo; all I did was think about him.  Just for once it doesn't look like a mug shot.  My knees go weak when he so much as looks at me, and being introduced to others as his girlfriend is a rush of epic proportions.  When he talks about our getting married or calls me his future wife, I literally get dizzy.  He is so good to me and so good for me.  He is the first thought on my mind when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep.



On 11/11/11 at 11:11 a.m., we held hands and made a wish.  He asked me what mine was and I told him I couldn't tell him because it might not come true but it involved him.  He said his involved me too, even though his wish had already come true.

He is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  He is my life, my love, my family, my best friend and the man with whom I am supposed to spend my life.

During the summer of 2011, I opined that we didn't 'have a song' and we needed one that could be 'our song'.  He's not into music at all, so all he said was, 'We do, huh?'  There are the obvious songs: "You Made Me So Very Happy" by Blood, Sweat & Tears is a good one.  "I Never Wanted" by Captain & Tenille, "Alive Again" by Chicago and "Lay Your Hands On Me" by the Thompson Twins are pretty applicable too.  All great songs and lyrics, but which remind me of different things (my cousins at my parents' beach house in the early 70's, fall of 1975, Christmas 1978 and college, respectively), and I wanted a song that reminded me of him, and us.  I don't listen to much in the way of new music, but every now and then I hear something I like that's new'ish.  

I first heard parts of "Show Me What I'm Looking For", by Carolina Liar, in a promo for some USA Network show....can't remember which one it is now, but I liked the tune and it was one of the few commercials I didn't automatically mute.  Hadn't heard it much since those promos, except occasionally on JACK-FM and I'd turn it up because it was catchy. 

However, I started hearing this song more and more during 2011.  The first time it made an impression on me was when I visited the Cape in March.  I was in a restaurant with my squeeze on his birthday, and it was on their sound system.  I didn't know any of the lyrics at the time except the chorus, but I knew it would forever remind me of that amazing afternoon at Scusset Beach, and  those precious few days with him.  I also recall hearing it a couple of times in restaurants and/or supermarkets on our trip across the country too, specifically in a Safeway in Bozeman, Montana where we'd stopped to get ice, snacks and sandwiches.  It seemed like it was following us, but I was too busy to think on it much.

A few weeks later, I heard "Show Me What I'm Looking For" again somewhere and I flashed back on the March trip, looking up at his adorable smiling face, drowning in his big blue eyes, our cross country odyssey...(yeah, yeah I know, sappy or what? But hey that's OK, I'm in love and not afraid to shout it from the rooftops).  All that remained was reading the lyrics to see if they were applicable to a relationship.  After I read them I realized it's not only 'our song', it's also my theme song for 2011 starting from the second he first contacted me a year ago today. The parts about 'finding it hard to resist' and 'I'll pay any cost' really hit home.  I paid a high price, with many sacrifices, which I willingly made for him.  I confess, the song makes me weep, but not in a bad way.  Because he saved me.

Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist

So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for


Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for....


I love you my sweet Bear.  Forever.

5 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm a sucker for cute. Thanks for feeding that addiction of mine :)

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  2. Oh JoJo, your words gave me goosebumps and tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful story and I'm truly happy for you. I love your song choice by the way. It's a great song.

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  3. Happy Anniversary!

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  4. Aaaaah, bless :0)

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  5. Lovely and sweet post, congratulations on following your heart!!!

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