Mt. Rainier and Lenticular Clouds - Dec. 2008 copyright: JMM

February 5, 2007

It's only Monday and I can tell it's gonna be a rough week. To quote from "Airplane": "Looks I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue".

Seriously though, I am in the process of weaning off the anti-depressants that were prescribed for me when my dad died in 2003. Back then I definitely needed them, because I was going down that dark road of not wanting to leave the house and sleeping all the time. I'm still under a lot of stress, but these days, who isn't, right? I'm kind of tired of taking them. It's getting to the point where I forget, and if I go 2 days without them, I get all weird and disassociated. Sort of like the episode where Mr. Mackey takes drugs in "South Park" and his head flies around town like a helium balloon. Anyway, I'm on week #2 of the step down and I gotta tell ya, I'm choking up at the stupidest things. TV commercials, episodes of shows I've seen a thousand times, songs that aren't sad, the adorable puppies in "The Puppy Bowl" yesterday. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for a junky to quit hard drugs.

I'm not the world's most patient person on the road. OK, I have road rage. There. I said it. But today.....let's just say that it's a good thing I didn't have a rocket launcher because I would have left a 22 mile trail of carnage between Bonney Lake and Tacoma this morning. I get to work and it's 7:15 and the fucking phone starts ringing off the hook. With the high-maintenance clients too, of course. I haven't even gotten my computer booted up yet and I can feel my blood pressure rocketing upwards. There was nothing I could do to keep the contempt and disdain out of my voice as I answered the phone in such a way that they had to know I couldn't care less that their ex did something scandalous over the weekend, and I was very pissed off that they disturbed me.

If tomorrow starts off anything like today, I am going back on the anti-depressants because I gotta tell ya, I scare myself.

So, I leave you with "The Woman's Prayer"

So Far Today I Am Doing All Right.
I have not Gossipped, Lost my Temper
Been Greedy, Grumpy, Nasty, Selfish or Self-Indulgent.
I have not Whined, Cursed or Eaten Any Chocolate.
However, I Am Going to Get Out of Bed In a Few Minutes,
And I Will Need A Lot More Help After That.

18 comments:

  1. Oh yah, I know that kind of day so well. May tomorrow be sooooo much better. If its not you may need to share your meds, or maybe we could swap. Who knows, might help:)

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  2. Good luck....I quite caffeine a few months ago and I had a headache for three days.I thought I would end up in jail on homicide charges for sure!I need to quite AGAIN but I hate the evil person that comes out when the caffeine is put away.

    I cried over the new Purina ad....with the dogs says how they are good dogs and they don't know how the ended up in the shelter and how they just want to go home....I don't care if I ever see that commercial again!

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  3. I hope today is better for you. It is no fun going through a period of major discomfort. I'll be thinking of you.

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  4. anti-depressants arent to be viewed as like getting off an addiction to dr pepper or something like that... this medication is designed to help the chemicals in your brain balance out because something as traumatic as a death in the family can trigger your chemicals to become imbalanced. my best friend's mom was put on anti-depressants a few years back and she can never get off of them because she'll relapse the way you are and it wont get better. it's your decision ultimately, but in my opinion you probably shouldn't get off of them.

    i hope everything brightens up though! being depressed sucks :(

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  5. I'm actually feeling much better today than yesterday, but I'm beginning to think you are right L'Oreal....I just didn't realize how much they made a difference in my mood.

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  6. L'Oreal I was NOT insinuating that my caffeine issue was even close to decreasing anti-depressants.

    I worked for a year as a counselor to addicts (street drug addicts) and I am well aware that ditching anti-D's is as bad as ditching any street drug (perhaps more so).

    I was well schooled in pharmacology and medication reduction and interaction in the brain.

    As long as your Dr. is aware of your decision and moniters your gradual decrease you should be fine.My Mother weened off her anti D's alone and her Dr. was furious...but she didn't want to be on them for the rest of her life.

    If I come off as rude I do not mean to but I do not like being misunderstood.

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  7. Good luck with it jojo...

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  8. I haven't had a great day - but somehow I survived without killing abyone (although I may have checked some of those boxes in your prayer!)
    All the best to you in your efforts to beat the meds dear.

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  9. lizzzard6:52 PM

    Thank you for that prayer. I laughed and laughed after reading it.
    Hang in there, Jojo, and remember doggies are a great replacement for happy pills.

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  10. ah that's got to be a tough decision dear, i hope it all turns out well, and i luv that prayer! i think i need that on a coffee mug;)

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  11. i'm sorry bryde, i actually didn't read your comment before i posted mine... i just happened to use that as an example. im sorry if you thought i was insinuating otherwise...

    jojo- you never really realize it until you stop takin it. in my psychology class we're doing an intense study about the neurons and the neurotransmitters and what anti-depressants actually do. so if you happen to have any questions, feel free to ask. i got a textbook i could quote for ya! lol

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  12. Thanks everyone! :D

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  13. Ah,I remember sitting in the tattoo chair,repeating neurotransmitters when I was learning them.I am sure my artist was interested;)!

    I took bio-psych which is the brain,if I wanted to be a neurosurgeon.It was the worst class I ever had,even beyond stats.

    Are you a CJ major L'Oreal?I took a LOT of CJ courses for full-time status (and requirements they could fill).I think had I not been so in love with sociology (and psychology) I would have gone into criminal justice.

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  14. jojo,it's going to be a long journey,but taken in baby steps you will get there in the end :-)

    Speaking from experience,it sucks coming off them,but you do feel better eventually,just that it's a bit of a lottery as to when eventually comes round....

    Take it easy,and take care

    Eliza xxxxx

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  15. Oh,i forgot to say,I heard from Axe today,thankfully :-)

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  16. bryde- i am a criminal justice major, minoring right now in forensic science. i love it. i almost majored in psychology (to be a psychologist)and realized instead of being on the end of counseling those victims, i wanted to throw those perps in jail. so, this has been one of the best decisions of my life. i love it. i love my cj classes and everything about it.

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  17. Hang in there Jojo!!

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  18. JoJo-I'm glad you're feeling better.

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