The new Western Washington Barbie Dolls!! OK, I don't expect anyone from outside of Washington to really get these, but they are still funny and you can get the gist, and even adapt the Barbies to your own regions!
1. Mercer Island Barbie. This Princess Barbie is sold only at Bellevue Square. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named "Honey" and a McMansion on Lake Washington. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie.
2. Sammamish Plateau Barbie. The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. 3. Tacoma Barbie. This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
4. Medina Barbie. This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
5. Kent Barbie. This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans, two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5' and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pick up truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free!!
6. Carnation Barbie. This tobacco-chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Southside Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
7. Fremont Barbie. This doll is made of actual tofu! She has long, straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Fremont Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free!
8. SeaTac Barbie. This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now difficult to find since the addition of the infant. 9. Capital Hill Barbie/Ken. This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
Many thanks to my friend Averie (in Kent) for sending this to me today!! And in Averie's defense, I've never seen her dress like "Kent Barbie".