January

What is it about this month that seems to get off to such a rough start?  And I don't mean just me, I see it on my Facebook newsfeed.  Had a couple of stressful issues, which, surprisingly, resolved fairly quickly and all was well.  But it's just that stress of dealing with it through it's resolution that totally sucks.  

The weather is suffering from multiple personality disorder.  We started the year with that huge Nor'easter blizzard.  The weather immediately before and immediately after was bitter cold.  I have never felt it that cold.  The temp rapidly warmed to above 50 and it poured rain for a day.  Then we plunged back into single digits and low teens.  Then it snowed again.  Then another rapid warm up to 50.  And THEN, a huge, howling rainstorm with high winds, thunder & lightning.  Some gusts were so fierce that the house shook, one of my window crystals fell off my window and I was wondering if we'd just experienced a microburst.  

So no huge surprise that I, and almost everyone I know, got sick.  Russell came home looking and sounding like death warmed over and I pretty much figured I would be next and I was.  It hung on for a week, sapping my energy.

Here are some pretty windshield frost pics.

Our third anniversary was January 7th.  Cannot believe it's been 3 years already!!  Best 3 years ever, too.  I made this Bitstrip to celebrate.  We thought about going out to eat but it was too cold to leave the house so we had pizza delivered, cause that's how we roll.

I've been living in this town for over 2 years and a couple of months ago I noticed this tree in a rock.  I don't know how I managed to miss this...it's right on Main Street....although in a part that I don't pay much attention to.

I made another fibre bowl.  Not a very good pic.  

I seem to be starting some crafts that I don't feel like finishing...

(but I did)

...and others I can't wait to get to...but I'm not divulging any sneak peek pics of that yet.  If it turns out, it'll be epic.  But that peace sign...what's not to love? It was turning out to be more time consuming than I thought and I had all that crap on my TV table for over a week, making the table unusable.  

And check out the box full of goodies Marsha dropped off!  I didn't have the energy to take it all out and photograph it, but suffice to say it's stuffed full of crafty goodness.  I know I said it before, but I'll say it again, I am the King (Queen?) Moonracer of Misfit Craft Supplies. 

And then my friend Stephanie sent me some cool tie dye magnet clips!

I've gotten quite a bit accomplished the first half of the first month of the year.  The craft room is cleaned and organized.  The recipes are typed and organized.  3-4 art projects are done.  We've secured the house for another year with the landlords (YAY!!!) and taken care of some annoying paperwork things.  Last spring I did a really good spring cleaning but I suppose I could give the place another good scrubbing.  I suppose I'll get started on that next!  Well, as soon as I get over this cold!

And finally, as a bonus, THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!  WHOO HOOO!!!!

Where Has the Time Gone?

Been back now for two years.  It's anniversaries like these where I reflect on how much time has gone by, not just since the event, but in general, and how fast the time has gone.  Two years into my new life in San Francisco, I was working at a law firm downtown and my life revolved around all things Grateful Dead.  That would have been 1991.  It was a really fun and special time in my life.  I had a lot of friends and everything that I thought living in SF would be was coming true.  Two years into my new life in Washington, 2001, I had just started working for Steve, the Seattle Mariners were tearing up baseball and the worst tragedy to ever hit our country was about to happen.   

I don't even think of 2001 as being that long ago, but it's 12 years ago already.  Sometimes when I think '10 years ago', the 90s come to mind first....when in reality that was 20 years ago.  Twenty. Years.  How is that possible?  Time's going by so fast.  I still think of my 'recent past' as when I was going to Tacoma Rainiers games all the time, working for Steve, and going to Victoria every year.  It's a surprise to also remember that I haven't always had a blog, followed blogs or had a Facebook page.  What did I do before them?  It just seems like I've always had them, and I often forget that I haven't met most of my blog & Facebook friends in person, but these social platforms have put us all in touch, in real time. 

My fave show, "Friends", went off the air nearly 10 years ago, and went on the air nearly 20 years ago.  I was watching a bunch of  LOCI repeats recently and was so surprised to see the air dates on the episodes.  It was so long ago but also seems like just yesterday.  Back then, before the Vincent Vixens started their own blogs, all we had was that Molly Chatroom to talk about the episodes.  It feels like I've been with the show since it's first season but I only discovered it in 2005 after it went into reruns.  

Recently, I was watching some dear friends of mine (I consider them nephews) graduate from high school, streaming live from Oregon.  I thought about the two times I went to Portland. Why didn't we get together? It hit me that I met the family on Facebook playing Hatchlings in the late fall of 2008, and my trips to Portland predated that.  It never occurred to me that I would ever leave Washington, so I figured I would get together with them eventually,  then I ran out of time.

But two years ago, time seemed to have come to a complete standstill that winter and spring of 2011.  Those were the longest 6 months of my life.  It moved so slow, yet the past two years have flown by.  Back then it felt like I was never gonna leave that house & life, and Russell was never gonna get to Seattle to drive Pepper & me home. He & I were counting down the days, hours and minutes till his flight, which I monitored obsessively from my hotel room in SeaTac.  None of it became truly real till I saw him standing in front of the Arrivals terminal.  Here we are, two years later, engaged, still really happy and crazy about each other and rebuilding our lives together.  I love his kids & his family.

The newness of my being back has worn off.  I've figured out how to drive rotaries again (for the most part, and I still hate them).   Those of you not from New England know them as 'traffic circles' or 'roundabouts'.  It's where like 4-6 major roads converge in a circle and it takes some serious skill to enter and exit without getting hit.  I'm not at all amused by the lack of use of turn signals.  I can't decide which state has the worst drivers, Rhode Island or New Jersey.  I'm still figuring out how to get around on Cape, but that's nothing new because I never really ventured outside of Sandwich and Barnstable much the first time I lived there.  Still haven't been to up Boston or Provincetown.  That's mostly an 'uncooperative weather and lack of funds' issue.  Seems like it's either raining or too hot, or if I get a perfect day I just don't have the cash to make the trip worthwhile.  I try to stretch a tank of gas for 2 weeks, and road trips really take a bite out of that.

The first six months of this year have flown by, not that I mind, since it got off to a really rough start for so many people besides us.  I was not sorry to see the door slam shut at the end of June.

I do miss Washington and I still feel very connected to the Pacific NW.  I probably always will.  My heart aches when I see pics from out there; stuff my PNW Facebook friends post of their day trips around Western WA, Oregon  and BC.  I wish I could have all my friends and family, but living out there.  I saw that word, 'hiraeth' posted somewhere a few months ago and it totally described the nostalgia I'm feeling for Washington from time to time.  Not that I don't love it here, because I do and it's great to be back.  But that Mountain, that whole breathtaking region, is branded on my brain forever.  It's the polar opposite of coastal Massachusetts.  Everything's just bigger out there.  I know it bugs Russell that I'm still thinking about Washington, and the west coast, but I spent almost a lifetime out there.  22 years!!!  It's the only current frame of reference I have for anything or my life experiences. I talk about it a lot because it's all I know.  The last time I lived here, I was 24 years old.  I really only have fragmented memories of my life starting around age 4.  Technically that's only 20 years of memories of living here most of which are early childhood, vs. 22 years of adult memories on the west coast.  But I force myself to remember the awful commute to and from work, the stress of working in family law, gridlocked traffic day after day, the crushing loneliness of having no real life friends and an mentally ill, unemployed, alcoholic husband who was at the bar every day.  When I look at it in those terms, beautiful scenery isn't enough to make up for a shitty quality of life.

And then there's this.....

That is the Pauline Baynes illustration from CS Lewis' The Last Battle, when Aslan oversees the end of Narnia.  Everyone is urged through the door into a new world.  When Father Time rises up and extinguishes the moon, Aslan slams the door on the old, dead Narnia.  Sometimes that's how I feel when I look back at my old life.  It's like a movie that I'm watching from this side of the door, of the 1989-2011 time period.  Every now and then I'll have a flashback to an old, long buried memory of those times and it's weird.  Like how the afternoon light looked in my old apartment in San Francisco.  I feel like, 'did I really spend that much time away and do all those things?'  And part of me is kicking myself because I feel like I didn't do and see near as much as I should have, for the amount of time I was out there. Brian's even dead, further slamming shut the door on that part of my life. Did I really do and see all those things?  I must have; I have the pictures, memories and journals.  It's....creepy and weird. I left Cape Cod so long ago vowing to never return, came back to the area, and am engaged to someone I knew in high school.  I mean seriously, colour me surprised.

I used to have a recurring dream which was always one of my faves.  It was the beach combing dream, which took place at Spring Hill beach, or another unknown beach that was set on Cape Cod.  I'd be finding the most amazing glass pieces, in-tact vases and boxes and perfume bottles, some painted like Fenton Glass,  with jewels & crystals, and all in beautiful colours.  I would be digging them out of the sand near the water and greedily stuffing them in a large bag.  There was a never ending supply of treasure in the sand.  I haven't had that dream since I got back.  I think it means that everything I ever wanted was here the whole time, but I had to go out west to find that out.

If you'll indulge me another analogy, it's a lot like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, when she wakes up back in Kansas.  'This was a real, truly live place.  And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful......Oh but anyway, Toto, we're home! Home!....And I'm not going to leave here ever again, because I love you all! And - Oh Auntie Em, there's no place like home!"

Indeed. 

What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been (oh come on, you knew I'd use that eventually)

It's hard to believe that a whole year has gone by since I left my home in Washington and embarked on my new journey with the love of my life.  June 23rd I moved out of the house.....the last image I had was the heartbreaking scene of Sagan looking out the front window as Pepper and I drove away.  I couldn't stop weeping.  The memory of it still makes me choke up, even though Sagie is safely on the east coast with me now, and thriving too I might add.  But back then, I wasn't sure that I'd see him ever again, although there was always a glimmer of hope; I never truly let myself believe I wouldn't see him again.  All my stuff was in a POD, which had been picked up the afternoon of the 23rd, and Pepper & I were now living out of suitcases.

I've been going through some weird stuff - moods and dreams/nightmares - over the past few weeks, with all these one year milestone anniversaries.  6/12 was my last sight seeing trip to Seattle, 6/15 my divorce was final, 6/16 was my last day at work, 6/17 the POD was delivered and I started loading it, 6/22 we divided the last bank account that was still open, 6/23 I moved out and it's also the anniversary of my dad's death.  What a high stress time it was, but what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger, I guess.

And here it is, one year later already, and I spent some of those dates at mom's, walking at the Canal a couple of times, at my love's sister's house visiting his family, and taking Marsha to lunch for her birthday.  What a difference a year makes!  As for my ex-h, he is gravely ill and living in a hospice place.  It's a shame that he's come to this end, but he Just. Wouldn't. Listen.  I was lucky to get out when I did.  I hope he can find peace in his last days, and I am grateful to him for doing the right thing in letting Sagan be flown east to be with me.  

But June 24th was the day that my sweet Bear flew to Seattle to drive me home.  Talk about my knight in shining armour coming to my rescue!!

Although we consider January 7 the first of 3 anniversary dates (3/24 is the second when I visited the Cape), our life together officially started the minute I picked him up at SeaTac Airport on 6/24.  I will never forget the butterflies in my stomach that day as it draaaaaagged by, my monitoring his flight obsessively on the computer at the Extended Stay America hotel in Tukwila, my friends keeping my morale boosted on Facebook the whole day. 

Then there was the drive over to the cell phone lot at the Airport and watching every single plane coming in, my hands  & knees trembling, teeth even chattering from nerves.  Finally he called:  He was out front of the terminal.  My hands were shaking trying to get the car started and find my way to the right place.  There he was and I was just beaming ear to ear, and so was he.  It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears of relief. OMG he was here!!!  Really and truly HERE, in the flesh!  It worked.  We did it. A relationship that started with a friend request on January 7th was now free to offically begin.  I was divorced, all ties to WA severed and a place was already rented on the east coast for us to come home to, all done in less than 6 months. That's why I know it was meant to be. We'd endured an intense online/phone long distance relationship for months, that was sometimes challenging.  But it was worth it.  Every last bit of the stress and fear and excitement and planning.  

It was a bizarre thing to know my life with Brian was over and I was shutting the door on 22 years of marriage and west coast experiences.  To this day, I don't think Brian realizes that my squeeze was flying out to drive me back, because I kept it a closely guarded secret.  Extricating myself from that house and marriage took a lot of finesse and I didn't think it wise I mention that I was going to have a driver.  It was best to let him think I was embarking on this cross country drive with just Pepper.

It's been an incredible ride, this past year.  My life is so different and so awesome.  Completely done over.  Sometimes I think about life in Washington, and the west coast as a whole, and it seems like a dream.  But no more anti depressants, no more work stress, no more commuting, a partner who is crazy about me and I him, family & friends, the ocean is close by, I have both doggies, new photo ops....I've remained adhered to the no-conflict thing.  He and I continue to talk about our future together and the next step in our relationship, and we are very, very happy.  He's a special man and I'm an extremely lucky lady, and I tell him that all the time, and he always tells me how much he loves me, too.  Every time I look into his big blue eyes, I fall deeper in love with him.  We are, for all intents and purposes, husband and wife, just without the official paperwork.

We spent a blissful next day together, before hitting the road on Sunday, June 26th.  Get on I-90 east:  "Massachusetts or Bust".  It was such a great trip - perfect weather the whole way, no car problems....and very much like a honeymoon.

Over the next few days I'm gonna pay tribute the one year anniversary of our amazing cross country trip!